


i'm holding my breath with a baseball bat

by smallredboy



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cancer, Chemotherapy, Established Relationship, M/M, Season/Series 08, hearing loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 16:43:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21274406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallredboy/pseuds/smallredboy
Summary: In which Wilson stays at PPTH for chemo, and House is worried.





	i'm holding my breath with a baseball bat

**Author's Note:**

> for hc-bingo with the square "loss of hearing"
> 
> enjoy!

House has always known that chemotherapy has its drawbacks. Its side-effects, everything they imply for Wilson. But he just can't sit around and let Wilson die slowly and painfully from cancer. It's ironic, he had said the night the diagnosis was confirmed, oncologist dying of cancer. He's determined to not let it end with that, though, with that ironic twist. For all that matters to him, Wilson will die of old age surrounded by their adopted grandchildren. He's not a big fan of kids, but the fantasy fits the bill as to what Wilson looks like he'd want in his deathbed.

"You're not going to  _ drop chemo, _ " he told him that one night, leaning in to kiss him. Wilson had sobbed into his mouth, begged him to tell him he loved him. And he had said no, that he wasn't going to unless he fought. They were dating, they had been for years now, but he wasn't going to give those words to him, those words he had given him so many times before.

Chemotherapy comes with side-effects.

Wilson doesn't tell him, but he can tell something is off. He asks often for him to repeat what he said, and he's always rubbing at his earlobe, like there's something wrong with it. He stares when Wilson goes to sleep, wondering and trying fruitlessly to ease his worries. There's something wrong, other than the fact his boyfriend is dying and he can't do much but sit there and hope chemotherapy works out.

He scours the Internet and cancer textbooks for information. They come up with one thing, over and over again— chemotherapy can affect the inner ear, which can cause hearing loss. That makes his heart sink into his chest, grabbing at the pages desperately, wishing for a lie to be interwoven in them. He doubts Wilson will become completely deaf, but the mere thought of him being hard-of-hearing makes his brain tinker with anxiety. How will they communicate if it gets worse? Does Wilson even know ASL?

"Dr. Williams," he starts one day, looking back at Wilson in his hospital bed. He looks comfortable, half-asleep, looking at the TV with lidded eyes. "I think uh, James, might be experiencing some hearing loss. It's a side-effect of chemo, from what I've read, in some cases." He doesn't sound like himself. Wilson's cancer has made him into a shell of who he once was, all snarky and cocky and confident. All of that is gone when he talks to the doctors working on Wilson's case.

Dr. Williams gives him a pained little smile. "We'll check into that. Thank you, Dr. House."

"You're welcome," he says before sneaking back into Wilson's room. "Hey," he greets, a little louder than usual, sitting down on the chair.

There's many things on Wilson's nightstand, tiny gifts his patients and other doctors have left in there. House doesn't dwell on how he wouldn't have anything near that if he was the one sick and dying; Wilson's look of love deters him from thinking such selfish, envious things.

"Hey," he replies, smiling at him weakly.

"I talked to Williams." He pauses, pressing his hand against his bad leg, squeezing a little at an attempt at comfort for himself. "We think you might be experiencing hearing loss."

Wilson's bottom lip twitches. "You noticed?"

House wants to huff, wants to roll his eyes. He only scoffs a little. "Of course I noticed. You're always asking me to repeat myself now."

He lets out a tiny little laugh, rolling his eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to bother you or Williams with it."

"Well, I noticed anyway, so you're bothering us nonetheless." He leans in to give him a chaste peck on the cheek. "You'll be fine, Wilson. We'll get ya something to counter that side effect. You'll be un-deaf in  _ no _ time."

"I'm not deaf," he complains, but it falls on deaf ears, House leaning in to kiss him sweetly. "I love you."

"Mmh." He makes a vague noise of agreement. "Love ya too. I have to go now. Got like, a patient. And shit."

Wilson grins at him dumbly. His anxiety doesn't disappear, and his worries aren't quelled immediately, but goddammit if Wilson smiling at him didn't make them calm down, even if just for a second or two.

"Good luck with your case," he tells him.

He kisses him quick. "Thank you." 

The rest of his day is better with that off his mind. He knows they'll deal well with everything that comes now, and that chemo  _ will _ work out for Wilson. There are no other options to be had. 

Perhaps he's being a tad too optimistic, but it's one of the few times he thinks optimism is warranted and not something stupid. Wilson's always made him feel like that.


End file.
